[Disclaimer: the following happened decades ago, time likely makes for faulty or embellished memories. Names changed in the extremely-unlikely chance that someone who knows the family actually reads this and is able to connect the dots.]
Gene, my college girlfriend’s brother, dated Sally during high school. A grade ahead, Sally intended to flee town after graduation and explore the world, with or without Gene; Gene, like so many teenagers believing in eternal love, left high school without graduating and left with Sally. In time, they married and settled down to what they assumed would be a blissfully normal life together.
However many years later, Sally develops medical issues that bely diagnosis, requiring different treatments and drugs and whatever else to try and understand her condition. Eventually a (I believe) benign brain tumor is discovered which is putting pressure on it. By the time the tumor is found, permanent brain damage has occurred and Sally is no longer capable of taking care of herself.
Perhaps indicative of her relationship with her parents, perhaps the reason she fled town immediately after graduation, Sally’s parent are not willing to help or be involved with Sally’s not-insignificant care. Assholes. Despite the immense challenges, Gene steps up to take care of Sally, to keep her alive, to keep her at home, and does not institutionalize her.
Years go by, Gene meets Lynn, they fall in love, and she moves in with Gene. They want to marry and start a family, but the difficult question is what this means for Sally. The solution: Gene divorces Sally and becomes her legal guardian, and then marries Lynn. Nothing changes otherwise, Gene continues to care and love Sally and now has a partner to help. Impressive.
Years go by – how many, I don’t know, I wasn’t around – Gene meets and falls in love with Lynn; they want to marry and start a family. Though I don’t know specifics, the outstanding, difficult question must have been what this means for Sally. The solution: Gene divorces Sally, becomes her legal guardian, and marries Lynn. Otherwise, nothing changes and Gene continues to care and love Sally as he has for years, now with a partner to help. Impressive.
I met this non-traditional family when my college girlfriend and I went to their home for Christmas. Gene’s present to Sally was the newspaper with Sally’s birth announcement in it, which Sally “read” excitingly; surprisingly because everyone assumed Sally wasn’t capable of reading but it did indeed appear that she was reading it, flipping to different pages. All around enjoyable Christmas (other than our bed that night!).
Though this was the lone time I met Gene and his family, I am still impressed by the love and care provided by Gene and Lynn, how Sally remained an important member of the family and not an unwanted problem to deal with. Gene and Lynn were unsure how Sally would respond to news of their pregnancy, but apparently Sally was overjoyed.
I did learn that Sally died many years ago, but I am sure everyone fondly remembers her.
This post has remained unfinished for months as my mother died and other life stuff meant I’ve had fewer opportunities to write. My siblings and I are in the process of clearing out our mother’s house, so I’ve been in my childhood area more in the last five months than in the last five years. I’ve used the opportunity to reach out and get together with old friends, classmates, and teachers that I’ve been away from for (literally) decades.
Recently I met with a high school classmate who married another classmate and has remained local since graduating high school. She’s adopting (adopted?) her six year-old grandson because her son and daughter-in-law have decided that a child is not conducive to the life they desire. So instead of slowing down as she approaches social security, at 60 she’s once again making morning bus runs and doing parent-teacher conferences. She’ll navigate male puberty yet again in her late 60s, high school graduation in her early 70s. While she admits she desired a third child, this was not what she envisioned. She told me, You do what you have to do, and her grandson (probably son by now) is now in a loving, nurturing, safe environment. Though not planned for, very happy that she was able to step in (and learned that other relatives were also willing to adopt, a very supportive family).
Every family has their politics, quirks and problems, but these go beyond anything I’ve had to deal with. I’d like to believe I would step us as these people did but really don’t know until put into that spot.
